Mentally Challenged Boaters
By CAPT. MEL BERMAN, 970-WFLA

Did ya ever wish you could be a plain-clothes FWC Enforcement officer and hand out tickets to other boaters who suffer from terminal cases of the "stupids?" It's really amazing that we don't have more serious accidents, drownings and altercations on Florida waters.

Does anybody take the time to at least partially learn the official Coast Guard Boater's Rules of the Road? Seeing the breathtaking antics of some of our fellow fishing and boating enthusiasts, I have foresworn any weekend on-water excursions. It's too nerve-wracking.

For example, on a fine fall day off Tarpon Springs, I saw a father "entertaining" his two very young children. He had them perched on the bow of his boat, little legs dangling, doing a series of sharp figure-eights with his powerboat. The kids, not wearing life jackets (as required by law,) were perilously hanging on to a slippery bow rail. Had either of these children lost their grip, I shudder to think of the gruesome result.

Then there are frequently those who play a game of "chicken." How many times have you run your vessel at say 35-mph, only to spot another boat coming at you from the starboard on a collision course.

Then there are really ignorant power boaters who think they’re in compliance with the no-wake regs when they slow their vessels down just enough to put out the biggest wake possible. You can see them on any of our major waterways, sitting smugly behind their helm with a look of satisfaction, yet totally oblivious to the massive 4-foot wake that they are putting out.

How about the boater that runs right up on a shoal -- jamming his boat into the bottom. Then, instead of getting in the water a walking the vessel out, this uncaring lout drops the engine’s outdrive and, as the late Canoeman used to say, “augers” his way out of the predicament. In doing so he grinds a path through the delicate grasses, destroying the very environment that he professes to cherish.

How about the “you don’t own the water crowd?” Fishing just off one of the Suncoast ramps, my wife Ginny and I were impressed with how many of the boaters were considerate enough to head out behind where we were fishing. Then there was that one boorish individual who launched at the ramp and continued running on right through our fishing lines.

“Hey,” I shouted, “didn’t you notice that we’re fishing here. You rode over our lines!”
His retort was the old “half a ‘V’ for victory sign” and an obscenity laced comeback that included the phrase, “you don’t own the *#%% water!”

And then there are the totally clueless boaters who head out wondering what all those funny looking little red and green signs are all about. What all of us need – and perhaps it should be a minimal requirement to operate a vessel -- is a good US Coast Guard Auxiliary or Power Squadron boating course. It’s just a few interesting evenings of your time – which should definitely remove you from the “Mentally Challenged Boater” category.